PPD Poem part 1

Fear surrounds me as I hold this baby in my arms. How can I be everything she needs? God are you sure I'm who she wants? How can I prepare her for the world ahead? I'm chickening out, I'm a coward. Instead of all this I'd rather be dead. I never think like this; this is not me. I'm usually a positive person who is bubbly and smiles even when I'm hurting inside. But this monster called PPD I can't hold in. Oh My Gosh what has happened to me? Maybe I'm tired and just need a little rest, but Lord I gotta get over this cause I know "I'm too blessed to be stressed". This day passes than another one comes; they keep coming and these feeling won't leave. Lord help me!!! I know their must be something really wrong. All mothers can't feel this way and especially not me -No HaHaHa. It can't be that stupid PPD, I was not even a candidate per my doctors. I'm too smart, organized and to well put together. Plus, I did the right way. I read every book, I went to every appointment and took every class. This can't be happening to in- control Shannon. Who would've thought that I'd really be suffering from PPD? If  you asked anyone you sure as heck wouldn't have gotten an yes from me. The silent deadly mommy mood stealer.